Testimony: Experiences of ephebophilia and pedophilia

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accounts and testimonies project
Man-Boy | Man-Girl | Woman-Minor
Child-initiated | Among children
Childhood (not expressed)
Minor-attracted people
List of testimony resources
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  • 23 accounts from the former Puellula
  • The erotic bond between a Mother and her Child
    "Still, it seems mothers do something equally silencing in the day-to-day way we do not speak of our erotic feelings toward those most desirable of objects, our children. We say our kids are cute, of course, or beautiful or remarkable, and we endlessly detail their behaviors and idiosyncrasies, but rarely do we acknowledge the erotic component of our own feelings in these observations of them. I say "rarely" because just today, when I was trying to explain the topic of this essay to a friend with a six-month-old daughter, she said simply, "It's the most erotic thing I've ever felt. You know it's no joke about pretending to eat her right up. I really do want to. It's just uncontainable, this desire. But what can I do? I can't have sex with her. Although nursing takes care of that." That's right, I thought. The physical intimacy of early infancy does mediate those drives in the parent, does "take care of" the uncontainable desire in a way that can't occur at the Oedipal stage."
  • Norbert de Jonge
    A Girllover, Activist and Politician shares his thoughts
  • David Sedaris
    A Gay author appears to have forgotten how attractive early-teen boys can be: "I started swimming, and so I started seeing people in their bathing suits. And I'm amazed now. The older I get I'm amazed. I'll see like a 14 year old... and I don't mean that I see them in a sexual way but you look at them and...it's like seeing like an antelope or something. And just their bodies at that age...there's something just magnificent. Like if I were going to send some bodies into space, like to show other creatures what we're capable of, I'd probably take a couple of 14 year olds."
  • Kadaj, "Dear FBI" on BoyChat
"FUCK YOU! I am still technically a child and was even more of one when I realized what I was and the implications of it. In your attempts to "protect" children you (and varies other bullshit organizations) have most likely ruined the lives ruined that lives of many children (who if you remember you are trying to protect). I did not choose to be what I am and I resent the idea that ANYONE would (there are some pretty stupid people out their but deciding to be a BL is beyond my comprehension).
(Un?)fortunately my instinct for survival is too strong for me to rationally consider offing myself but how many do you think do??
Because you make the idea of a life unthinkable or worse through your encouragement of biased and often baseless propaganda make them believe they are some kind of soulless monster even when they know, as I do, that they could NEVER hurt a child.
Because of your (and others) encouragement this world has become a place where if we were all to have a physically identifying feature I have no doubt a genocide would ensue. (Congrats Hitler 2.0)
You create a world were we are unable to even talk about our problems for fear of reprisal even if we haven't done anything wrong.
You (and the others) have ruined at the very least one of the lives of the children you strive to "protect".
Why does my unchosen and (at least still now) unwanted attraction make me any less human or deserving of a peaceful existance than anyone else?
I am a Boylover. Hath not a Boylover eyes? Hath not a Boylover hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Hetro or Homosexual is?
If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh?
If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?
If we are like you in the rest, we shall resemble you in that."
"I was arrested in the early '80s for sexual behavior and had a choice of prison or probation with a treatment program (so much for voluntary participation). So I participated in the program run by Dr Judith Becker and Dr. Gene Abel at the Sexual Behavior Institute for nearly a year - six modules consisting of 6 weekly sessions with breaks for testing with the plethysmograph. They theorize that fantasies must be eliminated to control the behavior, and use aversive therapy methods to do so. I was open minded then about willingness to change my sexual orientation and participated sincerely but, of course, discovered that sexual orientation is deeply rooted in a person's being and not subject to behavioral modification. All this program did was exacerbate cognitive dissonance and create a great deal discomfort with myself, deflating self-esteem. Not a great therapeutic outcome, I think. Thank goodness for existence of NAMBLA so that i was able to avoid the self-hating trap that many pedophiles fall into."
See Ethicaltreatment.org for similar testimonies from youth.