Coming out or outing oneself (a common short form of the expression "coming out of the closet") describes the voluntary or involuntary announcement of one's sexual orientation to one person, to a group of people, or to the public at large.
The term originates with the expression "coming out of the closet" (shortened to coming out) as used in the gay community from the late 1960s. In the 1990s the gay media routinely forced celebrities "out of the closet", calling the practice "outing". The expression "coming out of the toybox" is often used jocularly in MAP communities, as a toybox is more akin to children to whom MAPs are attracted to.
Official Guidance⁽ᵂʰᵃᵗ ᶦˢ ᵗʰᶦˢˀ⁾
- To their friends/family.
- Disclosure is limited to a small, controlled group of confidants. Motivation is an important aspect of this; namely, being assured that no such individual has a motive to disclose outside the small group. This strategy's weakness is that personal motivations and investments can and will change over time. One benefit is that you can slowly come out if and when you please - trying different methods on different individuals at different times. See the section below the following activism discussion for a full discussion of coming out to friends and family.
- As an activist.
- Our advice here is to either fully disclose, or not disclose at all, and this is based upon multiple experiences over a 20 year period. This advice applies as much now as it did 20 years ago, if not more, due to the highly sensitive and fast moving nature of this subject. We may consider revising this advice, but only after the visibility of MAPs has improved considerably by way of less adventurous initiatives and people who ignore this advice.
- Full disclosure of personal details, will nowadays include a personal website with 1. Your face pic, 2. Your platform, 3. Media contacts and, 4. A social media channel, as an absolute minimum. Coming "half out", gives your enemies a fact-finding mission, forcing you onto the defensive. Previous, "fully out" activists have had a hard enough time, and you have to be willing to seek and put up with this kind of media exposure, otherwise you will be forever protecting yourself from it in a game of cat and mouse. Experience tells us that "half-out" activists will end up getting dragged into undignified personal battles with almost zero visibility and upside exposure. Your enemies will feel emboldened, since they are effectively in control of your personal information. All of these low-level dramas are completely antagonistic to the purpose of organized activism.
- Be financially sustainable. It is important to be self-sustaining as well as organized and professional. At this point in the MAP Movement, it is too much to expect the donations to keep flowing in, because others understand why you are unemployable. Even your own people may view you as a "drama queen" or "spoiled and mentally unstable otherkin", simply because you have made the effort to expose yourself, and are now asking for their support. Instead, have savings of your own (at least 2x your country's GDP/pc, 10x in the developing world), and invest them in highly secure appreciating, or income-paying instruments such as physical commodities, rental companies and mining shares, so you can concentrate on your activism.
To come out or not to come out?
Among MAPs, this is an area of contention. Many feel that one's sexual orientation is a large part of one's identity, and keeping it secret is a cause of stress, shame, and often depression. Most agree that in an ideal society, one should not have to hide what he thinks of as a harmless and innate personal attribute.
Arguments against coming out
Many question the wisdom of disclosing one's attraction to minors to others. They argue that the benefits do not outweigh the risks incurred from a society rife with hysteria, and emphasize risks such as:
- The person told may disapprove strongly, and dissolve the friendship or other relation to the minor-attracted person.
- The person told, whether approving or not, may tell others who were not intended to know.
- The knowledge may be used against the minor-attracted person, either to blackmail him or to falsely accuse him of sexual crime.
- It is impossible to undo an outing, and this fact may create undesirable situations in the future as friendships change.
- A person who is known to be a minor-attracted is likely to be unemployable and therefore unable to financially support himself.
Advice on coming out
Those who argue for coming out often acknowledge these risks, but emphasize that coming out should be a long and well thought-out process. Some of the advice offered is:
- Come out only to a very select few, and only those who you have very high confidence in and who you know are open minded and reasonable. This may, and perhaps should, be one single person, at least to start with.
- "Test" the person in advance to find out what their reaction is likely to be. For instance, you can show them relevant news articles or talk carefully about known minor-attracted people or positive identities such as childlove. If this does not turn out well, abort.
- If you have young friends or otherwise deal with children, demonstrate that you behave properly and are popular with the children.
- Rehearse beforehand; pick words carefully so as not to be misunderstood.
- Come out at a time and in a situation when it feels natural.
- Keep in mind that though someone can seem accepting at first, people often change their minds or hide their true feelings. In particular, close family members may initially appear to be supportive, but could later decide to come against you in an effort to protect children.
Even minor-attracted people who consider themselves to be "out" should carefully consider just how many people really know about their sexual orientation. For example, "coming out" by posting one's real name on a message board is not the same as coming out by publicly announcing one's sexual orientation on a national television broadcast. Thus, being "out" as a MAP is a matter of degrees and not a simple dichotomy.
- Wikipedia - Extensive treatment (LGBT context).